Tim and Victor

 

Tim and Victor

The Life and Times of Two Fun-Loving, Left-Leaning Guys

 

Victor's Photo Blog Totally Joyous Recipes

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About Us

How a chance email started 24 years of fun.

Victor is an east coast boy, Tim is a west coast boy. We both have a mutual friend who thought we should get together. We did. And almost 25 years later, we're still going strong.

We started out on the west coast and moved east in 2001. We added Cybil Shepherd to the family in 2003, and Nonna – Victor's mom – in 2013. Cybil left us in January 2015 and Blanche joined us in February.

We're left-wing Liberal, opinionated, food-loving, fun-loving guys who love to travel and also love a relatively quiet time at home.

We're also officially married and officially retired.

Tim and Victor

Photography

Victor picked up a camera one day and found out he was actually pretty good at taking pictures! And his photography just keeps getting better.

There are great pictures of us, our vacations, streetscapes, abandoned places, people, the dogs… and our ever-changing neighborhood.

 

Fun Food

From bread-baking to canning to our garden to desserts and lots of home-cooked meals, the Food Blog is all about eating!

There are recipes from Family Reunions, Friends and Family, and Tim’s Mom’s Cook Books – along with many years of home-cooked meals.

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Web Design

Tim learned html back in the Dark Ages when he was on staff at UCSF.

Today, he creates sites for friends, small businesses, and folks who need a web presence but don’t have the resources for a huge design team.

 

We were in the Paper - and a Book!

Ordinary People Vowing to MarryOrdinary People Vowing to Marry

By John Grogan
Inquirer Columnist

(This appeared in the March 29, 2004 edition of the Philadelphia Inquirer and is included in the book of selected columns.)

 

In many ways, they are a typical suburban couple.

They spend their weekends remodeling their tidy three-bedroom house, which sits on a quiet street in the Main Line community of Strafford. They enjoy gardening and cooking and spoiling their dog, Cybil.

They both come from large, traditional Catholic families, and they dote on their 17 nieces and nephews.

Now in their early 50s, they prefer quiet nights at home to going out on the town. They pay their taxes on time, look in on sick neighbors, and vote each election.

They are ordinary in all ways but one: Tim Dineen and Victor Martorano, a couple for nine years, are homosexuals. And that puts them squarely in the middle of the national debate on same-sex marriage.

They are not the ones protesting on courthouse steps or trying to force change by seeking marriage licenses where they know none will be issued. As the debate rages, they have written letters to newspapers, but otherwise go quietly about their suburban lives. It was for this reason – their very ordinariness – that I sought them out last week. I wanted to see for myself just how different from the heterosexual majority a gay couple in a long-term relationship is.

Marriage of the minds

They give me a tour of their house and show off improvements they have made – new tile, enlarged kitchen, hardwood floors. On the table is a vase of pussy willows brought in from the garden. Outside, a pile of rain gutters sits in the yard, next weekend’s project.

In their own minds, Dineen, a demonstration chef at a Trader Joe’s market in nearby Wayne, and Martorano, who works in the travel industry, already are married. On their first Christmas together, they privately exchanged gold bands that have remained on their left ring fingers ever since. Still, says Dineen, “we will get married the day we legally can do it.”

Some of the motivation is practical. If one is incapacitated, the other right now would need a written power of attorney to make medical decisions – a precaution they already have taken. And as Dineen pointed out over a cup of coffee, “If Victor died tomorrow, I would have to pay inheritance tax on his half of our house.”

Adds Martorano: “The law does not recognize me as his next of kin, and that is wrong. It’s just wrong.”

But more important to the couple is what marriage stands for – a public acknowledgment of a couple’s love and lifelong commitment. “Marriage is a stabilizing force in society,” Dineen says, “and we want to be part of that stabilization.”

After all, they consider themselves solid members of the community. And so do their neighbors. As Peg Schwartz, 73 and a registered Republican, told me later: “I can’t say enough about them. They really could not be better neighbors. They are delightful. They’re just nice, kind, caring people, and that’s what you want in a neighbor.” Having them next door has softened her position on gay marriage, she said. “If that makes them happy, then that’s all that counts.”

Battling stereotypes

And yet, for now at least, Dineen and Martorano will remain the one couple on their street for whom the civil contract of marriage is not an option. Until that day comes, the two men believe stereotypes and prejudice will continue.

“Gay people have a reputation for being extremely promiscuous,” says Dineen, whose full beard and wire-framed glasses give him a professorial air. “Well, not all gay people are.”

Some of them lead their lives not much differently from the straight people on their streets, sharing the same worries and joys and dreams. And that brings Dineen to his main point.

“If we were married tomorrow, the only thing that would be different would be the piece of paper that grants us our rights and responsibilities. Nothing else would change. We would still be here just as we are today, putting new gutters on the house, going to work, grocery shopping, taking the dog to the vet.”

He adds: “I think that’s what so many people fail to realize. We’re here already. We’re a couple already. For all intents and purposes, we are married. We just lack the legalities.”

Rome

Contact

info (at) timandvictor (dot) com